Thirsty Life #1: Edgards first attempt at sexting

Edgard was sad one day as he found out that Mary had been taken. Stricken with grief, Edgard took to Facebook in hopes of getting hoes to talk to him. He needed to feel missed as barely anyone had contacted him in the past. But Constantine resisted. A fight broke out between the two:

"Ed wait you know this shit ain't gonna end well, everyone is gonna think you be seeking attention like you always do "

"Stfu Connie, nobody seen me or even heard about me for three years. Who the fuck gonna think I hoeing around fishing for friends. We're alone Connie. A FUCKING LONE"

Constantine knew but he was  scared. All he ever tries to do is save Edgard's face but he has a point. Constantine just fucked off into the corner with his face all pouty like. Meanwhile edgard made the call and poof - out of nowhere - a wild Melissa appeared. Edgard was puzzled. He thought - of all people - why would she talk to me?

"What is this hoe doing here? Surely she got over me. Unless she lonely. Connie what you think? go do your shit I'm confused"

"lolololol shes prolly here for good reasons. she has problems? no friends? Heck if I knew. But lets find out - so yeah, shut your face"

As Constatine inquired into this peculiar situation, Melissa fired back with a load of life. Being an outcast once? Yeap sounds like she has life issues, they both agreed. But in the end she talked about being accepted into a group of guys after the girls in the group threw her out. So what was she here for? Edgard was so confused.

"Being my friend? Really? This hoe needs to know how desperate I am. Maybe she here. Maybe she can sleep with me. Wait she still a virgin? Maybe she'll let me see her tits then"

"No Ed, we aint going through that again. We already gone through three girls with this shit. And you'll start crying again. I aint having any of this shit anymore, Im tired of picking up after your shit, making me feel so damn unlikable and shit. Just move aside fool"

"Come on this is Melissa she'll understand. There's a chance! think about the hot skin you'd be getting"

"But Ed, later, talk like a normal human being first - "

"Whatever. Go be a boring ass see and if that gets you any pussy. Great now she's talking about that time we dated for six hours."

"We? Nah man that was all you. Yous the one being thirsty for a fucking kiss. Noooo you can't think about what happens when you realize youre just using her. We were already branded as a hoe then, didn't need to be crucified as a douche too. See? Always cleaning up after your shit"

"stfu we needed to get some aight. You was being all sad and shit being turned down by all the hoes. Speaking of hoes she talking about Shonda now. Let's see if we can get some of her tits"

"you fucking nuts? That's her best friend. I'm curious to see how she's doing though"

"stop acting like a little fagget aight, thinking of any old hoe just makes you sadder. And even if we don't get her tits Melissa might hint some"

"Dude just stop. Like you can't do this to every girl that swings your way. Just gtfo"

After talking about Shonda's tits, Melissa was convinced Jonas is only into Shandas tits. Constantine tried hard to convince her otherwise but it was all in vain. The conversation between the two switched to her appearances and how she had changed. But after some time she suddenly says '"I'm horny tbh I'm going to do something about it"' and '"I'd fuck you if I can but I can't "'

Edgard couldn't just sit around anymore.

"Okay that's it get the fuck out of the way, I couldn't give a shit about what youre asking for anymore. It's time to go -"

"Ed wait - "

Edgard proceeded to tell Melissa that  '" he'd fuck her too if he could"' and '"honestly you're pretty hot"'. Constantine shook his head.

"she was playing you dawg. You knew she was calling you out"

"wait wait this could lead to pics Connie, you always gotta play along! See now she knows We'd fuck if we could but can't, so she'll move to sexting instead"

"Ed, are you even reading what she's saying - "

"Shut the fuck up - see? She's sending pictures! "

"- of her and her friends"

"yeah but that's a start - she's sending more pics man!"

After a shit load of plain pictures of Melissa posing with various forms of makeup, Edgard got so frustrated he sent a dick pic. But just in time, Constantine managed to reason with him.

"Ed wait - think about it. She's gonna see your dick and she might share that shit. Think about it, she might be playing with you just to expose your weak fucking ass"

"but Connie we gotta scar that hoe. Show that hoe what dick looks like so she knows never to mess with us again"

"what about the chance of fucking? She might see how small and atrocious it is that she'd burst in fucking laughter everytime. We can't have that man, you especially"

"Argh how do scar that hoe then?  Fuck "

" okay Ed how about we show her our dick but don't make it look like a dick. We can't have blackmail and shit going around"

"UGHHHH FUCKKKK"

After coming to an agreement, Ed sent a dick pic to Melissa that basically looked like a ball of dough, and told her that it was a dick. Melissa had no clue what was going on, but laughed along, knowing that it was a dick.

"ITS A DICK PIC THAT DOESNT EVEN LOOK LIKE A DICK, LOL " she exclaimed. 

After telling Melissa to fuck off, Edgard proceeded to leave Jonas for a while and pout over his everlasting thirst. Constantine on the other hand knew he was being played with all the pics. He knew that Melissa was actually toying with Edgard. He told Melissa:

" What are you even trying to do with all these pics?" 

"Oh you know, just have fun. I'm sending you all my hot pictures." 

Ed decided to come back and say "well they're cute but not exactly hot. Hot pictures includes titties not whatever you have on your face." and fucked straight off.

But Constantine tried to save whatever was happening by saying " I think you look better without makeup."

And of course, the woman - makeup argument started. Defending her choices, Melissa told them off by saying 

"I couldn't care what you think. I do this for myself."

"But I'm just putting my opinion out there. I'm not telling you to do anything for me. Even if my opinion means nothing, I just wanted to put it out there. You got no obligation here"

After that, Melissa's attention died down, and Constantine didn't know what to say. But he knew he was being played with. Edgard and Constantine pouted together through the night and on to the next day.

"Welp, this a great start to our quest for quench"

"Welp shut the fuck up please           No pussy for me means no skin for you"